


What If...Unless

by Tainteddagger



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Gay, Oblivious, Tropes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2020-10-29 14:30:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20798165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tainteddagger/pseuds/Tainteddagger
Summary: Multiple reddit gay cute things I saw on Twitter kind of meshed together. In a hopefully fluffy cohesive mess.Or what if Lizzie was in love with her bestfriend...no. Unless?





	1. A Version of Events

**Author's Note:**

> So I haven't written anything I've been remotely proud in a minute (if you've read my other stories I'm working on it) so i wanted to try and write something fluffy so here we are I guess. Hope you enjoy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls are fighting, but why

Lizzie was confused, no _perplexed_. She'd been seated in the love seat, spaced out glaring at the door for the past 20 minutes. She'd been trying to pinpoint what happened to cause Hope, her roommate, to storm out of their apartment like that.  
  
Dramatic storm outs midway into a heated arguments were her thing. Not Hope's. She was shocked at Hope's audacity to do it to her, moreso that she actually did it better.  
  
She couldn't ignore how perfect Hope had looked storming out. The way her eyes were lit with rage, how her lips curled to form the words and the way she practically spat her last sentence out. And then the angry twirl with her hair flowing perfectly behind her otherwise chaotic movements. The way her hips swayed as she stomped out and slammed their door shut.  
  
It was perfect. Oscar worthy performance. Lizzie finally understood what M.G always tried to convey with his: 'You're hot when you're angry.' excuse when he used to space out while they argued. She'd never seen Hope look so...powerful. It had definitely thrown Lizzie off her game. Which was the only reason Hope walked out having the last word.  
  
_It was actually three._  
  
Lizzie was so focused on how Hope looked and then sidetracked by the echoing thud of the door slamming shut. That Hope screamed: "Fuck off, Lizzie!" registered after.  
  
Now Hope telling her to fuck off was nowhere near her '100 worst things Hope and I've ever said to eachother' list. They were childhood enemies and had some legendary verbal smackdowns. Hope and her traded jabs far fiercer than 'fuck off' at the age of like ten. Cursing at eachother was common by the time they were twelve.  
  
So in the grand scheme of things 'fuck off, Lizzie!' wasn't even a splash in their history. Truly it was no big deal, yet Lizzie couldn't understand why she felt her chest ache.  
  
Hence her glaring at the door, like it held the answer for her. Like maybe it was actually the door's fault, she did feel the ache start up when it smacked into the door frame after all.  
  
If she were to be honest with herself, she would acknowledge that it wasn't the door in the slightest. If she were to be honest, she would admit that it was the split second before the door slammed shut, the moment Hope had crossed their threshold to be exact. But now wasn't the time for honesty.  
  
Lizzie wasn't quite ready for honesty so she preferred to try to figure out where it had all went wrong. What had lead them to their first major fight since they were seventeen, their first major fight after four years of being best friends and three years of sharing an apartment.  
  
Sure they had disagreements, who wouldn't? But they hadn't had screaming matches since they were sixteen. And they sure hadn't cursed at eachother out of anger either. Passive aggressive disputes that ended with them apologizing in their own kind little gestures.  
  
So this, the yelling, storming out it was all so...unnerving. And baking Hope some double fudge brownies probably wouldn't fix this.  
  
Lizzie figured it was going to be one of those issues that she'd have to the root of, figure out why it managed to grow to such a state and then effectively communicate her feelings about it. Or whatever it was Emma said she was supposed to do in times, when she couldn't really clarify her thoughts or feelings on a matter.  
  
It was time to yank out the root.  
  
It had started with this morning....Well it had actually started the night before.  
  
It was only 11pm on a Friday night but Lizzie was already set for bed. She had promised herself one more episode of B99 and then she'd go to sleep.  
  
It wasn't what she had planned originally, but after her disaster of an outing with M.G she thought it would help her night still end better than it began. But it seemed not even Jake Peralta could brighten her mood. Her mind had kept straying to the events from earlier. And no amount of funny banter seemed to help.  
  
Mostly because the banter reminded her of Hope and what she really wanted to do was cuddle with Hope and discuss what had happened. Unfortunately Hope was out on a date. So Lizzie was stuck with her thoughts on her own. Which she hated.  
  
But Hope wasn't really the point, well she was. Just not the reason for her crappy Friday night, even though it would've been infinitely better if she were home and not on a date with some..floozy.  
  
Lizzie sighed and settled more into her pillows. She had no other option but to deal with it.  
  
Just she finally tuned into the on going plot she heard a loud noise come from their livingroom. Lizzie felt like her heart was going to march up her throat from fright. She was frozen in place, ears perked trying to hear if there was actually a serial killer there to murder her.  
  
After a few moments she heard an unfamiliar giggle. It was definitely female, and annoying. She sounded like squeaky toy. Which sent a fresh wave of fear down Lizzie's spine. Just her luck she was going to be murdered by a maniacal bitch that sounded like a squeaky toy. However, before she could get her umbrella she heard another voice speak up. It was Hope's.  
  
"I'm so sorry bout your head." She apologized to the squeaky toy.  
  
"It's ok baby. You know I like it a little rough." Squeaky toy replied.  
  
Somehow her voice was even more annoying than her giggle and Lizzie thought such a thing would be impossible. But here she was listening to the most nasally voice, if she could she would rip out her vocal cords. She'd be doing the world a favor. Luckily she was silenced.  
  
Luckily turned sour rather quickly, as the slurred voices were replaced with wet smacking lips and low moans. It made Lizzie's stomach churn in disgust. Just then nasally let out a loud moan. Lizzie was sure she was going to hurl at that point.  
  
"Shit, sorry forgot you had a roommate." Nasally apologized. Which Lizzie appreciated at least she thought about the sacredness of her hearing.  
  
"She's out with her _boyfriend_. Be as loud as you want baby."  
  
Lizzie heard Hope say with an edge to her tone. She questioned why Hope sounded angry, almost bitter at the word boyfriend. Because for one she hadn't gotten back together with M.G or even mentioned wanting to. She ultimately chalked it up to Hope being drunk.  
  
Followed by nasally's loudest moan yet. It was unfortunately not the loudest she could be, Lizzie would learn later.  
  
God could this night get any worse, Lizzie thought to herself.  
  
_It did_.  
  
Nasally was a screamer. Actually Lizzie was pretty sure Nasally was some human banshee hybrid. Not even blasting Paramore had drowned her out completely. And for two drunks they really had stamina. They had finally went silent after 3 am, passing out most likely.  
  
Lizzie sadly did not have the same luck. There was a weird feeling gnawing at her that she couldn't quite describe. She assumed at first she was just uncomfortable hearing her best friend like this. Or annoyance at Nasally's high pitched screams. But it gnawed at her long after they were done. Taking root inside her and just twisting into something unfamiliar.  
  
That was the first thing that had went wrong, that lead to their blow out. The second thing was unsurprisingly Nasally's fault.  
  
Well it might've been her fault. But in her defense she didn't get any sleep.  
  
And she woke up to the very annoying reason that she didn't, in one of Hope's way to big for herself sweaters. They weren't that big on Nasally though. That was the first thing Lizzie had noticed.  
  
See Hope's way to big sweaters were normally Lizzie's sweaters that she'd steal or it would oversized college sweaters. Luckily for Nasally she grabbed was one of the latter.  
  
(Lord knows what might've happened if she hadn't.)  
  
While Hope normally looked cuddly and cute in her sweaters, Nasally looked...sinful, like the start of a cheesy porno sinful. She was just slightly shorter than Lizzie, so the the sweater barely covered much of anything. Lizzie had not expected an eye full of ass to be the first thing she saw that morning.  
  
No matter how nice said ass was, objectively speaking. She had just wanted some coffee. Not some forced interaction with Hope's half dressed one night stand. So naturally she turned to go back into her room.  
  
Her streak of bad luck continued however, because just as she started to creep away Nasally turned towards her and saw her.  
  
"Oh goodmorning, you must be the roommate. Lindsey,right?" She greeted with what a smile.  
  
There were several things that in that moment weren't right. The first being, Lizzie was not just some insignificant person in Hope's life to be referred as just the 'roommate'. She was the best friend, keeper of secrets, wind beneath her wings. Lizzie would not stand to be reduced.  
  
The second thing was that as annoying as Nasally's voice was, she was pretty. Like she was runway model pretty, like a long lost Hadid sibling. All blonde, strong jawline and piercing eyes. The girl was beautiful and Lizzie hated her.  
  
Not because she was beautiful, Lizzie Saltzman does not do insecurity. Lizzie hated her, because she was a bitch. It took one to know one after all. And Lizzie could spot a size up and fake mistaken name, like she patented the move herself. The small 'I've decided you're not a threat' smirk on Nasally's face made her skin crawl. Lizzie Saltzman would not be dismissed by some squeaky toy, no matter how pretty she was.  
  
"Lizzie actually, and you are?" Lizzie inquired not returning the greeting. Trying her best to seem aloof.  
  
"Ashley." Nasally replied. "I'm a friend of Hope's."  
  
"She hasn't mentioned you, but it's nice to meet you." Lizzie replied seeming uninterested. Her ploy worked because Nasally's confidence seemed to falter.  
  
"We're a new thing, an unofficial thing as of right now." The shorter girl supplied as an explanation.  
  
Lizzie felt that weird feeling bubbling up inside her once more. It was even more intense than the night before. Something about Nasally implying that she'd actually have a 'thing' with Hope just made her insides knot up in disgust and anger. She didn't know why.  
  
"Cool." Was all she trusted herself to say in the moment. She just wanted this conversation to end, for Nasally to get her ass out of her apartment and to go back to bed and pretend none of this happened.  
  
"Yeah.." Nasally trailed off awkwardly nervously fiddling with her hands. "I made coffee if you'd like. Thought Hope would need some after last night." She offered gesturing to behind her.  
  
Lizzie looked to where she was motioning. She felt her anger intensify and she was ready to burst. Not only did Nasally seem to lack basic manners, she was a messy person.  
  
There was coffee all over the counter along with sugar and splashes of creamer. On top of that she used Lizzie's special roast, the one that Hope only found in New Orleans and only brought back just for her. She also contaminated said roast with creamer by dipping the dirty spoon back into the jar. Lizzie felt her eye twitch at the scene before her. The audacity of the other girl was making it hard to reign in her temper.  
  
"I'm just gonna head back to my room." Lizzie spoke thru clenched teeth, not wanting to explode. Turning to leave.  
  
"All right. Just a heads up it might get loud again. I'm gonna put in the work again." Nasally told her rather smugly.  
  
Lizzie grumbled under her breath.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
Lizzie had planned to say nothing or lie, but when she turned around to do so she was confronted with a smirking Ashley drinking out of her mug. Her 'you're my favorite person' mug that Hope made for her, at some pottery class Josie dragged her to. And something in Lizzie snapped.  
  
"I said do a better job this time at least." Lizzie said stonefaced glaring at Nasally.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Nasally asked looking insulted.  
  
"Notice when she's faking this time around." Lizzie said matter of factly gaze unwavering.  
  
"How would you even know?"  
  
"How could you not?" Lizzie turned around and went to her room. Without giving Nasally a second glance.  
  
And that was the second thing that went wrong. That set their fight into motion. And looking bad maybe it was her fault, not that she'd ever admit it out loud.  
  
  
  
  



	2. Unrequited...unless?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fight. Things were said

Lizzie didn't feel the least bit bad for what she did. Not an ounce of regret.  
  
Not when she heard Hope's bedroom door slam shut. Not when she heard Nasally's shrill voice demanding answers from an obviously hungover and sleepy Hope.  
  
Lizzie kind of wished she had an inside glimpse of the drama that was unfolding. She was sure Nasally was the type to talk with her hands, the resounding claps as Nasally tried to get a sluggish Hope to pay her attention proved her right.  
  
Lizzie didn't feel bad as Nasally began to interrogate Hope on whether or not she'd actually enjoy last night. She heard Hope asking her lower her voice and what she was on about.  
  
If she had told her that last night maybe she wouldn't be in this situation, Lizzie thought smugly.  
  
Nasally's voice lowered slightly as Hope tried to have a peaceful conversation. Which quickly turned sour and yet again a high pitched interrogation. With Hope growing more annoyed as Nasally continued to badger her with accusations.  
  
"What is your problem Ash?" Hope asked finally losing her patience.  
  
The use of the nickname usage threw Lizzie off. The familiarity of it, maybe they were a thing like Nasally said. Which made Lizzie question why Hope never mentioned her and how Nasally couldn't tell Hope wasn't enjoying herself.  
  
"You're being defensive and deflecting. I have a right to know."  
  
God could the bitch get anymore entitled? Hope was the one that had to put up with her squeaking and ear piercing howls, with no orgasm in return. Why she was whining at her own shortcomings were beyond Lizzie.  
  
"I just didn't feel it last night, okay?" And even though Lizzie couldn't see her. She just knew Hope, pushed her already messy bed head back out of her face. It was a nervous tick when she felt concerned into being vulnerable.  
  
"So you faked it instead of communicating? Do you do this often?"  
  
It was dead silent from the other room was answer enough for Lizzie. Here she was under the impression that Hope was having more orgasms now dating women then she had while being with Landon. When in actuality Hope was just continuously going unsatisfied. In that moment Lizzie felt immense pity for her friend. The least Hope deserved was some orgasms.  
  
The silence however wasn't enough of an answer for Nasally. She kept badgering Hope for a verbal answer. Which made no sense to Lizzie, was the girl's ego not damaged enough at this point? Why did she need a verbal confirmation that she sucked in bed?  
  
"Not all the time, okay! You happy now?" Hope snapped  
  
Lizzie heard shuffling and movements in the other room. And Hope's quiet pleading.  
  
"Ash what are you doing? Ash you don't have to go."  
  
"I do Hope, I really do." Nasally was finally right about something, though if you asked Lizzie she should've been long gone.  
  
"Why?"  
  
Lizzie started down her mental list of reasons why:  
1\. Keeping her awake  
2\. Literally sounds like an overactive puppy abusing the fuck out of their chicken shaped chew toy  
3\. Sucks at dirty talk...and sucks at sex for that matter  
4\. Is annoyingly pretty, like no one should be confronted with someone looking that good after a shitty nights sleep. It's mandated somewhere.  
5\. Contimanted her favorite coffee.  
6\. Is messy  
7\. And sounds like a squeaky toy  
<strike>8\. And she got to fuck Ho</strike>-  
  
"Why? Because I'm not about to let you make me an idiot Hope!" Not a hard feat if you asked Lizzie. "I actually want a relationship with you and you won't even communicate this very important thing to me, what hope do I have in this actually becoming something."  
  
Nasally was right yet again. A broken clock was also right twice a day, so Lizzie refused to give her much credit. But she did respect that she knew when to step back. Though she would've appreciated of she had done it before they came home last night.  
  
"Look figure your situation out. You definitely have a type and dumb blondes aren't it, so don't look surprised. You know where to find me, till then... bye Hope." Nasally had said surprisingly calm, no voice shaking or tears. Just calm acceptance, and that's how both Hope and Lizzie knew her hurt was real.  
  
"I'm sorry." Hope said voice cracking slightly. That's when Lizzie realized that she may have put something into motion that ended up hurting her best friend. She felt remorse starting to creep in.  
  
"Me too."  
  
Lizzie heard the familiar click of Hope's door being shut. Followed by the sound of their front door being closed. And then silence.  
  
It was unsettling and made Lizzie feel anxious. She wasn't one to really feel bad over spilled milk after the fact, but she was beginning to feel bad about the events she had set into motion. Sure she wanted to knock Ashley's (she deserved real name acknowledgment for being good to Hope in a way) confidence down and most of her reaction was from ill placed anger. But she didn't foresee or wanted Hope getting hurt because of her.  
  
The silence was deafening, which never really made sense to Lizzie till now. It was she could focus on, well hear she supposes. She contemplated going to check on Hope, knowing the longer she let her stew the bigger the explosion would be. But that would be confessing to guilt and Lizzie wasn't one to do that.  
  
So she waited...and waited. Growing more anxious as the minutes ticked by. So anxious she decided to text Josie in hopes for a distraction and some advice.  
  
To MoJo: can you please stop doing unholy things to Penelope and help me? I did something kind of wrong  
  
She received a rather quick response.  
  
From MoJo: "unholy" activities are currently not in progress😔. We're getting ready for brunch....what did you do???  
  
To MoJo: 1. ew. 2. Bring me some when you're done...3. I might've done something that kind of ended with Hope maybe getting her feelings hurt and I don't know what to do so I'm ☹  
  
From MoJo: will do. Just talk to her Lizz and apologize for whatever petty thing you probably did. I want the full story tho.  
  
Just as she began her retelling she heard Hope open her door and footsteps heading her way.  
  
To MoJo: a lot tell u ltr  
  
Her bedroom door was flung open. And a very angry Hope stood in her doorway. Glaring at her. Briefly Lizzie mind wandered to how good she looked in her rage. Hair still tussled, bed head always suited her well. Eyes wild with anger coloring her cheeks. She looked like a force, and she was set on a collision course with Lizzie as her target.  
  
"What the hell is your problem?!" Hope yelled.  
  
Lizzie had made several questionable choices that morning and this one would be the worst one yet.  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
She chose to play dumb and oblivious. Which essentially was her adding gasoline to an already raging, almost losing control of her temper Hope. Worst choice by far.  
  
"What am i-" Hope repeated shocked by her audacity. "You know damn well know what I'm talking about." She seethed.  
  
"I don't." Lizzie could hear the sound of shovel hitting gravel on a loop as she dug herself a deeper hole.  
  
"You've been acting weird lately and I've given you the space to come to me when you're ready. But you've gone too far this time. You had no right to involve yourself in my business like that!" In Hope's defense she was technically right, not that Lizzie would admit it. But her saying Lizzie had no right kind of added fuel to her resistance.  
  
"So I had to let you keep lying to Allison and yourself? Leading her on?" She kept digging deeper no intention of stopping.  
  
"Her name is Ashley and it wasn't your place to talk on something you clearly don't know anything about." Hope argued not liking the way Lizzie was attacking with...well the truth.  
  
"I can clearly tell when you're faking it, so clearly I was doing you and Alice both a favor."  
  
"It's not your place to interfere in my love life. I don't interfere in yours."  
  
"All I did was give your girl some constructive criticism, that you apparently seemed scared to do. Point me to the crime." Trying to ensure that her best friend would actually enjoy her sexual encounter truly didn't need all this mess.  
  
"It's not just about Ashley or today. You've been making snarky comments every time I bring someone home or glaring at them for no reason. I have never made one comment about M.G being here, I don't understand what your problem has been. I've waited, given you space to come to me, but you've crossed a line. So I'll repeat what is your problem?!"  
  
Now see, Hope wasn't actually wrong. Lizzie had been bitch to the slew of women Hope had been bringing home the last couple of months. In her defense she's only not a bitch to like three people, Hope included. To add to her defense they weren't perfect either.  
  
There was:  
• **Astrogirl**: she asked for too much information and wanted to see Lizzie's birthchart. She also brought crystals to cleanse their apartment she felt an invading force. Plot twist she was the invading force. Also she broke up with Hope because her tarot reader told her it wasn't in the cards for them.  
• **Sorority girl**: she was dumb. An airhead and only truly cared about her Instagram following. Was with Hope purely for aesthetics.  
• **Wattpad y/n**: the girl's style was stuck in 2012 and so was her personality. Trying so hard not be a typical stereotype whatever that meant. But she was an aquarius so according to astro girl astro ramblings she was being a typical aquarius.  
• **The scientist**: Hope was just an experiment to her. Lizzie didn't like that she was just using Hope.  
• **The Witchy Goth:** she brought her cat over enough said. She still finds cat hair when she cleans.  
• **The White virtue signaling vegan**: huge savior complex. Always on some new # social cause, but generally silent and uninformed on things that didn't affect her social class. Very performative.  
• **The Feminist**: she was into menstrual art, tried convincing Hope to hang one of her pieces in their livingroom. Unsanitary. Lizzie was tempted to call astro girl to cleanse their apartment again.  
• **The druggie**: bad influence and pissed off their landlord, she was a really nice old lady that definitely knew what a baggie of coke looked like.

  
So looking at them it wasn't really Lizzie's fault that Hope had such terrible taste in women. And it wasn't her fault Hope kept bringing them into their shared space. Sure she found reason to hate each of them, but they didn't make it hard to do.  
  
"I don't see why it falls on me to make your rotating door of potential Landon replacements, feel welcomed. I'm not here playing hostess to your experimental phase participants." When you've dug a hole to bury yourself in, there's no other way to go but deeper. At least to that's how Lizzie chose to handle her conflicts.  
  
She did instantly regret saying that, as soon as Hope's face contorted like she'd just been slapped. And quickly switched to anger again.  
  
"I'm not asking you to play hostess. I'm asking you to stop acting like a bitter bitch to everyone and me lately." It seemed like Hope also subscribed to the 'if you're already in deep by all means keep digging and make it worse', mindset.  
  
"So now I'm a bitter bitch, because I don't entertain your desperate attempts to fill whatever emotional voids your break up has left you with? You want to experiment with all these chicks, that are obviously not compatible or good enough for you, because you feel empty and lonely. That's your prerogative. Don't drag me into it, so you'll have something to blame them failing on."  
  
She dug deep enough and struck a major artery with a rusty shovel with this one. She saw every word land, but she didn't stop. It was like watching from a distance. But as soon as the last word left her mouth, regret threatened to consume her.  
  
Hope was silent. Hope was hurt. Lizzie had hurt her best friend.  
  
"Hope I'm-" before she could get her apology out, Hope was already out her room.  
  
Lizzie was quick to follow.  
  
"Hope." She received no acknowledgment.  
  
Hope moved into her room grabbing her bag, keys and her phone.  
  
"Hope I'm so-"  
  
An angry Hope turned her glare on her. Raising her arms like she was trying to physically restrain her outburst.  
  
"Fuck off Lizzie."  
  
And then Hope stormed out their apartment.  
  
Maybe she didn't set their fight into motion, but the consequences, the aftermath was all her.  
  
And she desperately wanted to make it right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmk what you think Hope you enjoyed. I promise to fix them in by the time this is over.


	3. Ugly Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why does Lizzie hate Hope's conquests so much?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting to think this might end up being longer than 5 chapters because my inability of getting to the point.

"Tell me again why we can't just go back home and spend the day in bed." Penelope pouted as they pulled up to Lizzie's and Hope's building.   
  
She leaned over and started to place kisses on any exposed skin she could find. Making it very clear what she'd rather be doing, than dealing with whatever drama Lizzie got involved in.   
  
Josie let herself bask in the feeling of Penelope's lips for two seconds, if she had let herself bask any longer she would definitely take them back home. Lizzie and Hope be damned. But her sister's need won out so she put a stop to her girlfriend's attempts of seduction.   
  
"First of all, I'm not trying to get arrested for public indecency, we won't always be as lucky as last time." Josie spoke softly, giving Penelope a small peck. "Secondly, I really do think Lizzie needs us, me. Her and Hope haven't really fought in ages so it's probably serious."   
  
Penelope's pout intensified. But she sighed in acceptance. There would be no fun until Josie felt like the situation was fixed.   
  
"Fine."   
  
She said pulling away and getting out the car. Josie followed behind her. Penelope put an extra sway in her step, if she was going to suffer so would Josie. When she was sure Josie's eyes were glued to her ass she turned and smirked at her.   
  
"Fyi JoJo, it was your inability to keep your hands off me that almost got us arrested for public indecency. Remember?"   
  
Josie groaned quietly, because she did in fact remember. And with the way Penelope was moving she was tempted to recreate that night right then and there.   
  
"Hurry up babe. The sooner we get this done the sooner we can recreate whatever you're thinking about." Penelope teasingly called from the top of the stairs, to a Josie that had remained paused reliving memories.   
  
With the promise of recreation, Josie shot up the stairs taking them two at a time and wasting no time unlocking Lizzie's door. Penelope couldn't hide her amusement at her girlfriend's antics.  
  
***  
Lizzie hadn't moved from her spot on the loveseat. After finally working thru the version of events that had went on that morning and led to the fight and Hope storming out. She felt like a terribly shitty person.   
  
She had indirectly been the cause of Hope losing someone, someone she at the very least considered a friend or at most had some developing feelings for. And though Hope had worked through a lot of her issues regarding abandonment and loss, she still took people leaving to heart.   
  
Lizzie felt horrible. She'd held Hope while she broke down when her anxieties regarding loss and abandonment resurfaced, after her break up with boy wonder. So to cause her even a fraction of those feelings again...it made her feel sick.   
  
And to make matters worse she threw things told to her in confidence right back in her face. Which used to be one of her most underhanded tactic back in the days of their rivalry, but she broke the code as Hope's person.   
  
"I'm such a fuck up!" She yelled out loud, out of frustration. Her emotions overwhelming her.   
  
"Finally something we agree on blondie."   
  
Lizzie looked up to see Penelope and Josie making their way into her apartment.   
  
"Every time you set foot in here unannounced I regret giving my sister a key." Lizzie told a smirking a Penelope.   
  
"Hey I don't even want to be here. So technically me being here is your fault." Penelope shot back.   
  
"Everything being my fault is the theme of the day." Lizzie said with a sad shrug. Not even her regular verbal sparring matches with Penelope was able to distract her from her guilt and sadness.   
  
Penelope watched the normally feisty blonde return to sulking once more. She turned to look at Josie with a questioning expression, Josie shrugged. She was also taking in their interaction with her eyebrows set in a worried crease.   
  
Penelope silently asked her what to do next and again Josie replied with a shrug not sure how to proceed either.   
  
"Can you stop doing your silent miming thing, like I'm not sitting right here? It's rude." Lizzie snapped. She hated when they did that, even more so today. No need to to rub it in her face how well they can actually communicate, by having silent conversations.   
  
"Well you weren't actually helping maintain a decent conversation. And don't you normally prefer when I ignore you?"   
  
Penelope retorted. She made a show of making herself comfortable on the couch opposite Lizzie. She knew Lizzie hated being treated differently no matter what the situation might be. So keeping their usual dynamic going was mostly to let Lizzie feel as normal and comfortable as possible. The trick however was not to actually overstep and piss her off. And Penelope didn't always see the line.   
  
Luckily that's why Josie was there to make sure she didn't. Always ready to shift them back on track.   
  
"Anyway. I brought you food as you demanded. And we, yes we, are here to help." Josie interrupted the on going tennis match. She set the food down on the table before Lizzie.   
  
"I'm not actually sure I can eat. I really fucked up Jo."   
  
Josie was stunned by the sadness and guilt that colored her sister's face. The last time she really saw her look like that was when they were teens and Lizzie accidentally set their mom's dress on fire.   
  
"Try eating a little bit and start telling us what happened so we can try to help." Josie encouraged her lightly.   
  
"What she said but less of me actually doing anything." Penelope added on.   
  
Lizzie couldn't help but smile slightly.   
  
"Ok so it all started because this chick Ashley that I'll be referring to as Nasally so you can fully grasp the severity of the situation." Lizzie started her recollection.   
  
"Ooh name calling right out of the gate, this is gonna be good."   
  
"You both are just terrible. Please continue Lizzie." Josie said shaking her head at the childish antics of her sister and girlfriend.   
  
"Yeah so..."   
  
"And then you guys showed up." Lizzie finished her retelling. She'd managed to eat the food they brought for her.   
  
It was silent for a moment, Penelope was contemplating on whether to be angry at Lizzie for hurting Hope or not. Granted she understood where their miscommunications began and why it spiraled, but Lizzie still chose to keep sticking her finger into a bleeding wound. Josie wouldn't be happy if she made a bigger mess of the situation. So she decided to hang back and follow her lead.   
  
Josie was also contemplating. She had made several mental annotations on things she'd like to discuss, she just couldn't decide on what to tackle first.   
  
Some of Lizzie's reasonings didn't make much sense to her. The fight did. It was her M.O to go about conflicts that way and Hope hadn't been trying to have a peaceful discussion. The one thing that didn't make sense was, where all Lizzie's anger stemmed from.   
  
She had an inkling, but was afraid on how to go about it to see if she was right. It could go wrong and Lizzie would ice her out and that would be counterproductive.   
  
"That was a lot." Penelope spoke up first easing the tension that had been brewing between them.   
  
"You're telling me." Lizzie said dryly. She'd been anticipating a bit of targeted anger from them. The fact that Penelope didn't react angrily was unnerving.   
  
"Liz has there been anything that has been bothering you lately?" Josie asked.   
  
"Like what? I haven't really had an episode and I've been taking my medication if that's what you're implying." Josie could see her retreating and acted quickly so she didn't.  
  
"I wasn't implying that. I wouldn't. I just meant has there been thing about Hope or in general that has been bothering you? You're like a kettle, you don't always blow up right away."   
  
Lizzie thought about what Josie asked. Had there been something she'd been suppressing some issues that lead to today? Her and Hope were the same as they'd always had been, right?   
  
_Well after their break ups they'd been closer than usual. They'd fall asleep with eachother almost every night for a month. Spent most of their free time cuddled up watching Netflix or Hulu. They had been inseparable. Lizzie loved that. _  
  
_ Then everything shifted slightly, Hope came out as bi. That wasn't an issue, everyone had been supportive. Hope was still Hope. Nothing really changed in their dynamic, not until the night Hope announced that she had a date. _  
  
_ Lizzie was prepping for a Good Place marathon Hope insisted they do before the next season began. She was skeptical about the show, but it was Hope's favorite. Hope was running late but Lizzie knew practice sometimes did. _  
  
_ It was almost as if her thoughts had manifested the shorter girl. Hope came bounding into the apartment like a kid on a sugar high. _  
  
_ "Hey babe, guess what." She told Lizzie as she quite literally tackled her to the couch. _  
  
_ "What?" Lizzie asked smiling, she couldn't deny that Hope's excitement was contagious_  
  
_ "I have a date." Just like that Lizzie felt her mood crash as fast as kid coming off a sugar high._  
  
_ "A date?" _  
  
_ Hope proceeded to tell her all about astro girl and how she guessed she was a Taurus because she had a 'venusian type of beauty', whatever that was supposed to mean. Their plans that night was overshadowed by Hope's date. That night for the first time she felt out of place in Hope's embrace. _  
  
"I guess once she started dating again things shifted. Like obviously they took center stage." Lizzie explained.   
  
"And you felt like you were put on the back burner?" Josie pressed on.   
  
"No?" Lizzie said unsurely. Hope wasn't the type to lose herself in relationships, or put new people above her friends, her family as she likes to say. And she had definitely never let her usual efforts slip. She was still Lizzie's person first and foremost and she remained acting accordingly. It was just different?  
  
"Hope didn't change, she still did all her usual Hope things. Always made sure I was ok, took care of me when I needed her too and let me do it if she needed. Nothing really changed..it was just different." Lizzie tried explaining. She got understanding nods from both Josie and Penelope.   
  
"So is the issue the fact that she keeps bringing these girls around? I've heard you rant about them enough to know you haven't really been any of their biggest fan." Penelope asked this time. She was starting to see the dots Josie was trying to connect with her questions. It was a crazy assumption, but Josie was normally right when it came to Lizzie.   
  
"I mean can either of you honestly say you liked any of them?" Lizzie asked to further her defense.   
  
"Touché."   
  
"Ember wasn't that bad."   
  
"She tried scamming you into a couple's synastry chart reading and what was it? A six month tarotscope for like three hundred dollars." Penelope reminded Josie.   
  
"Oh yea. Well then I didn't really like any of them."   
  
"See." Lizzie said matter of factly. They were no better than her.   
  
"Point made Saltzman. But how about you go more in depth on why you didn't like them. Maybe there's something there you need to get off your chest." Penelope said gently trying to steer her back to her own feelings on the matter.   
  
Lizzie thought about it, besides most of them having weird inclinations and quirks they weren't particularly bad people or treated Hope badly. Well minus druggie and the scientist. And they didn't try to piss her off on purpose.   
  
They just did.  
  
Everytime she'd be forced to share her space with them she felt like she'd rather be anywhere else. At any sign of PDA she retreated back into the safety of her room. It made her uneasy to see them wrapped around eachother on the couch.   
  
Or that time she was coming home and saw Hope pull the feminist into a hug, she climbed right back down the stairs under the guise of forgetting her phone in the car. It was in her hand the whole time. But she just wanted to avoid the tender moment.  
  
Her flight instincts were even worse when there was actual bordering intimate moments. She'd caught several of them in compromising positions with Hope. With lips fused together, or trailing up collarbones. A couple of times there had far too many to much tongue involved.   
  
Lizzie was always left with an uncomfortable feeling in her chest, an anger she couldn't explain and the sudden need to vomit. It was like she could feel the bike crawl up her throat, burning like hot iron inside her. It didn't get better and it seemed to get worse every time it happened.   
  
Looking back at all these things something clicked into place for Lizzie. The reason for all of it and she didn't like it.   
  
"I didn't hate them per se, some of them sucked though. But it wasn't the reason I didn't like them.." Lizzie trailed off not knowing how to formulate her thoughts.  
  
Taking a deep breath to gain some courage.   
  
"I hated the fact that they were with Hope that they were together. It made me angry and my stomach turn."   
  
She looked at Penelope and Josie nervously. But they both seemed free of judgment giving her space to say what she wanted to say. Josie seemed more excited. She was sure her inkling was true now.   
  
"Guys I think I'm-"   
  
"I think I might be.."   
  
"Homophobic." "In love with Hope." Both Lizzie and Josie said at the same time.  
  
"Wait what?!" They yelled in tandem once more.   
  
"You both always have to be on the opposite extremes of the spectrum don't you?" Penelope said dryly.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed lmk what you think and if I'm nailing their dynamics well


	4. disgust or love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nile isn't just a river in Egypt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay fastest update to date.

"I am not in love with Hope." Lizzie told Josie. She was shocked that was the conclusion her twin came to. She wasn't even into girls like that.  
  
"Well you aren't exactly homophobic either Lizzie." Josie argued.  
  
"Actually that might explain why she always hated me in the beginning if you think about it." Penelope interrupted. She found this whole situation hilarious and she was going to have as much fun as she possibly could. Well as much as Josie would allow her to. She was a chaotic evil gay after all.  
  
"Is that why you hated me because I was making Josie unholy with my lesbian wiles?" She questioned Lizzie further, biting back laughter as she watched different emotions cross Lizzie's face. She ignored Josie glaring at her, giving her a pat on her thigh, letting her know she got this.  
  
"I hated you because you were a bitch." And she was.  
  
"Fair enough. Did you ever hate Josie?"  
  
"Why would I ever hate Josie?!" Lizzie asked shocked at Penelope's audacity to even imply that.  
  
"Don't look at me like that. You're the one that just announced to two women that are in a very gay relationship that you were homophobic."  
  
Penelope figured that Lizzie was in complete denial, so she would have to force her to confront herself. She used to have to do the same with Josie more times than she could count. Lizzie probably would require more finesse than Josie, well less finesse if she's being honest.  
  
"I'm not disgusted by you guys. Like I'm totally ok with whoever you choose to be with Jo, always have been. Even though you chose the literal bane of my existence." Lizzie started back tracking. She didn't want Josie to feel like she'd ever not loved her because of this.  
  
"If you're ok with Pen and I, why do you think you're homophobic?" Josie asked softly. She understood that Lizzie was in deep denial and this would take some coaxing into the right direction.  
  
She was definitely ok with Josie being into girls, always had been. Never judged her for it. Except when the person she fell for was Penelope, but that was because Penelope used to be at the top of her shit list right under Hope. Not because they were gay for eachother.  
  
It's just the way she felt about seeing or thinking about Hope with these other girls made her feel like she had stomach ulcers. The way it burned all the way up to her chest and sometimes felt like something was gnawing at her insides. It was painful and starting to overshadow her friendship and she hated it.  
  
"Because the way I feel when I see Hope with these chicks. And I don't want to feel that way towards my best friend. Outside of Josie I've never really had someone that took the time to understand me like Hope does. And..now this feeling keeps getting in the way and I-I can't lose her because of this."  
  
Lizzie rambled trying to explain but becoming overcome with the fear of losing Hope because she couldn't accept her affinity towards women.  
  
Penelope was stunned. Like she'd seen a lot of people in denial before, but this was some next level shit. She wasn't sure how Lizzie could possibly be so utterly oblivious to her own feelings. Like that entire monologue screamed gay, repressed gay but definitely decorated with all the colorful rainbows and gay panic.  
  
It was almost beautiful if Lizzie wasn't misconstruing her obvious jealousy as homophobia. Or the fact she was ignoring so many obvious signs that were screaming: "these aren't logical conclusions for what you're feeling" in all caps.  
  
"Liz I know you're starting to feel overwhelmed, but you're not going to lose Hope ok?" Josie reassured her. Well tried to. Lizzie was already spiraling and there's not much she could do to stop it.  
  
"I am though. You don't get it. It's becoming too much to bear. The thought of Hope with some girl sickens me, the sight of it literally pains me. This is apart of who Hope is and I can't accept it. When she accepts all the shit that comes with me. It's not fair." Tears started to fall freely at that point.  
  
Josie's heartaches for Lizzie, she knew this wasn't any form of internalized homophobia. The fear of losing Hope had overshadowed and warped Lizzie's entire perception. To the point she had villainized her own feelings.  
  
Penelope on the other hand was slightly disturbed, like she'd never felt the urge to hug and console Lizzie like this ever. And it was kind of freaking her out. They weren't meant for such a bond, the Pizzie hate/love relationship did not do mushy mess.  
  
And for that Penelope decided to screw the finesse route.  
  
"All right blondie riddle me this. Do you feel that way when you see Freya and Keelin being affectionate? Or when Karolina gushes about Nico?" Penelope asked. More like did her best Alex Cabot impression and proceeded to badger the witness.  
  
Lizzie shook her head no. She usually found both couples cute and their level of devotion and love beautiful.  
  
"Did you or did you not punch Dana our senior year for calling Josie a derogatory slur among other things pertaining to the nature of her and I's relationship?"  
  
Again Lizzie nodded. It was by far top five most satisfying moments of her life. Dana deserved it. She'd do it again in a heartbeat.  
  
"Safe to say you would do it again if anyone would say something like that about Josie or Hope?" Penelope continued.  
  
"In a heartbeat." Lizzie answered with zero hesitation.  
  
"Well we have no reason to believe you're a homophobe." Penelope said in true lawyer 'I rest my case' fashion. She mentally patted herself on the back. Her case was air tight.  
  
"Then why do I feel this way?" Lizzie questioned.  
  
"Lizzie if we replaced the variable of the girls with let's say Landon would you feel the same?"  
  
Josie asked, before Penelope had the chance to say something stupid out of frustration. She loved when Penelope went all Alex Cabot but her frustration tantrums were just as fierce.  
  
Lizzie considered Josie's question. The idea of Landon with his hands or other body parts near Hope made her blood boil much like the idea of girls with Hope.  
  
Her brain flashed memories of when they were actually together. It was different because that was an actual relationship.  
  
Hope had actually loved Landon, she had a smile solely reserved for him. The one where her eyes shined so brightly that it overshadowed the beauty of her smile. Hope used to look at him with so much adoration.  
  
She'd never been on the receiving end of one of those looks. Or that smile and it made her chest ache.  
  
"Worse."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because she actually loved Landon. She'll never look or smile at me the way she did for him."  
  
Penelope had to swallow the urge to recreate fat Amy's 'whoop there it is' moment. But there it was in fact. A breakthrough. A somewhat sad one, which would definitely lead to some more mushy mess. But at least she'd stop referring to herself as a homophobe. So Penelope was happy with the over all progress.  
  
"I was jealous this entire time..I might be seriously in love with my best friend and I don't even like girls. What the fuck?" Lizzie spoke out loud, not really addressing anyone or herself for that matter. Just echoing her thought process.  
  
"Well at least you're not homophobic, you're way to close to way too many queer folks." Penelope teased. Earning her a smack from Josie.  
  
"Did you not just hear me? Being a homophobe would've been far more easier to deal with than this." Lizzie motioned wildly with her arms voice rising in panic.  
  
"This meaning dealing with your obvious not so friendly feelings towards Hope?"  
  
"Yes. I don't even like girls, how the hell am I supposed to even begin to process all of this?" Lizzie was..overwhelmed to say the least. And finding a healthy way to begin processing all these feelings was turning up an erorr 404.  
  
"Lizzie you've always been a little gay. If that's such a major concern." Josie said, stifling a giggle.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Honestly I thought my girl was sharing some hallucinogenic drugs, with the pothead Hope was briefly seeing, when she pointed out how you might've been into Hope. She-"  
  
"You guys discussed my sexuality?" Lizzie asked slightly offended.  
  
"Your sister likes to talk between rounds while we rest." Penelope shrugged. "Anyway back to what I was saying. I thought she was crazy but come to think of it she is right on all accounts. You've always been a bit gay."  
  
"First off eww. Second what do you guys mean."  
  
"Your love for certain actresses is eyebrow raising for starters-."  
  
"Literally everyone is obsessed with Angelina Jolie, Charlize and Zoe Kravitz." Lizzie pointed out.  
  
"You're right, but your list goes on and you have an actress tier. Which is a lot of dedication. You used to rewatch the Jennifer's Body bed makeout scene way to many times to be considered all that straight." Josie continued down her list.  
  
"It was cinematically beautiful." Lizzie grumbled in defense.  
  
"You've literally watched every show featuring lesbians because you were tired of only seeing the heteronormative gaze in film. You literally watch Riverdale in hopes they'll finally treat choni right." Josie continued picking up steam she could finally list her reasons and she will get thru all of them.  
  
"Wanting there to be proper representation and quality storylines for a set of characters that deserve the world is not gay behavior." Lizzie argued.  
  
"You're right but your love goes beyond allyship and you know it. You still flinch when someone mentions the 100 or Lexa. Let's not mention the fact that all your favorite fanfics are gay. Moving on from your love for queer media. Your inspiration board is literally all women in various states of undress or very lacy garments or suits."  
  
"It's a body inspo vision board." Lizzie interrupted again.  
  
"I've seen said board, which could've passed as such if most of the women used were actually your body type. They're all hot but you and Meghan Fox don't have the same figure." Penelope tagged herself in, demolishing Lizzie's newest defense.  
  
"Not to mention Danielle Rose Russell, who looks freakishly like Hope's twin, appears several times on said board. And continually updated with new pictures of her regularly." Josie added on.  
  
"Plus that time you made out with Tandy, your tongue was far to preoccupied with hers for a straight girl." Penelope added.  
  
Lizzie who was at this point red from her chest to her hairline and everywhere in between cried defeat. Unable to keep up with the posie cross examination.  
  
"Fine! I'm at least a little gay. Happy?!" She asked glaring at the smug couple. Pouring in true Lizzie fashion.  
  
"Yes, because the sooner you accept your truth, the sooner you can go get your girl." Penelope said happily. She was ready to get this hizzie train out of the denial terminal and right to chu chuing down the tracks.  
  
At the mention of getting Hope suddenly got sad once again. The one thing denial and not acknowledging her feelings for what they were, was good for was protecting her from the pain of unrequited love.  
  
Now that she accepted that there was more layers to her love for Hope there was no going back. God it was going to hurt to pretend like it didn't exist.  
  
"She's not my girl, nor will she ever be. Hope doesn't feel that way about me." Lizzie said bitterly.  
  
"She definitely does."  
  
"Yup, she's most definitely into you."  
  
Lizzie shook her head. They were extremely optimistic but she just couldn't fathom Hope wanting her like that. It was a miracle they became best friends in the first place. She doubts whatever powers at be were in control would smile brightly on her for a second time.  
  
"Ok before we get into this on how you two are both obliviously into eachother I need a drink." Penelope stated pulling Lizzie out of her thoughts.  
  
"I agree. I'll go make the drinks." Josie offered as she got up and left for the kitchen.  
  
Penelope gave her kiss before she left. Lizzie looked at the adoration shared between them and was happy Josie found her one so young. And the fact that it was Penelope.  
  
"Hey Pen?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'd punch a homophobe for you too."  
  
Penelope looked at her shocked at first until her face softened into a happy smile.  
  
"Right back at chya, sis." Penelope said sticking out her tongue.  
  
"You ass." Lizzie flung the love seat pillow at her in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tempted to write lawyer Penelope after this. Josie would love the pencil skirts. 
> 
> Anyway hope you enjoyed and lmk what you think.


	5. She loves you, she loves me not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly filler to set up the next chapter. But they're being cute and stuff

"Honest to God I don't see what you guys see. Granted I didn't even see my own feelings till today, but Hope like-liking me is farfetched."   
  
Lizzie said. Her head was starting to hurt her with the continuous back and forth. She just didn't see what both Penelope and Josie swore was there.  
  
"Who even says _like-liking_? Are you Lila Sawyer?" Penelope asked her face upturned in disgust at her juvenile word usage.   
  
"I do. Josie is definitely the Lila to my Helga though."   
  
"I definitely see that." Penelope agreed.   
  
"I didn't make the drinks that strong for you two to be discussing Hey, Arnold right now." Josie shook her head in disbelief. She could always count on them never sticking to the topic at hand.   
  
"Not my fault your sister is stubborn, baby." Penelope said leaning to kiss Josie on the top of her head. She got affectionate when she was tipsy and boy could Josie make a good drink.   
  
Lizzie watched on in mild irritation. She wanted that kind of effortless love they had. Not that their relationship came easy, but there was just never any doubt that they loved eachother.   
  
Josie was always found a way for skin to skin contact when Penelope was near her. Penelope would let her devil-may-care mask fall in intervals just to show Josie affection or affirmation of their love. Not to mention the way they could communicate without having to say anything.   
  
Lizzie knew it took hell for them to get there and find the stability to freely be. She played apart in some of their biggest conflicts, but saw them come out stronger both individually and as a couple. It was beautiful to see.   
  
Well it normally was beautiful to see. However not today. Not on the day she accepted that she was in love with her bestfriend. The bestfriend she wanted to have her own equivalent of a posie relationship with. The same best friend that definitely was not in love with her. The one that would definitely not want to have said intimate fulfilling relationship she wanted to have with her.   
  
So because of this, today Posie sucked ass. And she would inform them of it.   
  
"For the remainder of today and probably as long as it takes me to get over Hope Mikaelson, I need you two to stop being couples goals right in front of my salad." Lizzie told them flatly. Taking another sip of her drink.   
  
"I thought you would've preferred to get under Hope not over. Like a bottom would." Penelope teased.   
  
Lizzie kind of heard Josie's protests about not wanting to discuss her twin's sex life or preferences. But her mind was no longer paying attention. It was far to busy imagining herself and Hope in various positions for the first time. Well maybe not the first time. But it was the first time she accepted that these were in fact gay imaginings, that she desperately wanted to be reality.   
  
See Hope was hot. Lizzie had always been aware of the fact, in a way that teenage girls were always aware of their competition. Then in a best friend way, Lizzie had took it upon herself to get Hope comfortable with herself.   
  
To get her to showcase the assets she had and stop dressing like a 40 year old, on her second divorce, crackerjack therapist. Hope was hiding all her assets under layers and blouses from Mitchie Torress' mom's closet.

After a successful closet revamp, Lizzie had found her eyes straying more and more, in a no homo but definitely a way too much for friends way.   
  
Now though the floodgates were busted wide open and after years of looking, the rest of her body's desires were being heard. Like the way her thighs trembled slightly in need.   
  
She wanted the soft heat of Hope's palms holding her, gripping her in intimate places. Or kisses down her throat, not the innocent type that Hope would place when she was already half asleep and just trying to convey she was finally going to bed. She wanted harsh kisses and teasing bites conveying naughty promises of more pleasures to come.   
  
She wanted to replace the knowledge of how comforting it was to have the weight of Hope against her. To how it would feel in a more erotic context. Naked skin gliding together, bodies colliding, heaving chests trying to merge as one.   
  
Lizzie felt her breath get stuck in her throat, that turn to an awkward coughing fit.   
  
"Thank God you choked on your own spit I was this close to throwing my drink in your face to calm you down." Penelope said in exaggerated relief.   
  
"You ok Liz?" Josie asked concerned. As she watched her sister down her drink, trying to stop her coughing fit.   
  
"Is she ok? What about me, I just watched your sister have a wet day dream about Hope. I'm emotionally scarred." Penelope whined dramatically.   
  
"Consider it a small taste of the trauma I've been put thru the years, because you two never seem to know what locks on doors are for." Lizzie shot back. It would've helped if her voice wasn't hoarse from the coughing.   
  
"Your sister is an exhi-" Penelope started saying something that would've led to Lizzie gagging. Thankfully Josie reached out and covered her mouth before she could finish.   
  
"You're on thin ice." Josie whispered menacingly. Eyes a light with repercussions. Penelope visibly gulped and nodded in understanding.   
  
"Good now where were we?" Josie continued.   
  
"You two trying to make me believe that Hope likes me back." Lizzie said rolling her eyes.  
  
"Well let's try a different approach. Why do you think that's so impossible?"   
  
Because Hope was...Hope. And she was Lizzie Saltzman. Resident bitch with a mental illness and while Hope loved her regardless. She knew there was a difference between being friends and an actual romantic relationship. Her relationship with M.G was a testament to that.   
  
In her opinion Hope deserved more than she could ever offer. Not that she would ever look to Lizzie to be more than her best friend. And God did it suck.   
  
"I suggest you find another line of questioning Josette. You're not my therapist." Lizzie said in an icy tone. Damn Josie for always knowing how to dig up her insecurities.   
  
"You know what I want to know? What made you fall for Hope after all these years? Like did something change to trigger it?" Penelope questioned. Curious as to what made the blonde fall in love, so extensively.   
  
"I literally just accepted my feelings literally not even that long ago."   
  
"So? Make a list of all the things about Hope or does that make you gooey in a gay way. I want to see something." Penelope prompted.   
  
She got up looking for a some paper. She found one of Hope's drawing pads on the chair near their breakfast table. And pulled a pen out of Josie's purse. Racing back to her seat she messily thrust the book towards Lizzie tapping it with the pen.   
  
"Pen, what are doing?" Josie questioned confused.   
  
"Shh I got this." She stage whispered. She definitely was tipsy, Josie was sure of it.   
  
Penelope turned her attention to Lizzie. "Humor me. At least 10."   
  
Lizzie wouldn't lie Penelope looked kind of cute all pleading and excited. Which was disturbing, and she wanted it to stop. So she decided to humor the girl.   
  
"Fine." She said begrudgingly.   
  
"Yay. JoJo while Lizzie does her assignment can you braid my hair?"   
  
"Of course baby."   
  
Posie was nauseatingly cute and Lizzie couldn't help wanting to be just as nauseatingly cute with Hope.   
  
She shook her head and started on the list titled:   
  
_Things about Hope Mikaelson that make my heart stutter:_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed lemme know whatcha think


	6. a very gay list

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An insight into the Hizzie dynamic and how Lizzie sees Hope and some hopefully cute flashbacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'd like to just say thank you for all the kudos and comments. I suck at replying but it warms my heart to read that y'all are enjoying this story and it's humor. I'm really grateful to that. 
> 
> @nobloodnocookie your love for posie in this makes me want to write more of them being soft and cute within this universe so I just might.

_**Things about Hope Mikaelson that make my heart stutter:**_  
  
• **Her smile.**  
It might've been cheesy and rather simplistic, but it was a good place to start. And Lizzie really loved Hope's smiles every single one of them. Of course she definitely had favorites.  
  
Like the smile she would give Lizzie when she handed her a fresh cup of coffee, the morning after a long night of studying.  
  
Hope would hold the cup letting her palms absorb the heat, slowly inhale the aroma of the coffee. Then look at Lizzie with a soft grateful smile, one that warmed Lizzie's insides far faster than a hot cup of Joe ever could. The smile that communicated I'm grateful for you.  
  
There was also Hope's smiles when she achieved just about anything. Her joy was contagious. Whether it was after sliding into home base safe or when she'd finish the Sunday crossword first. It didn't matter how small the win, her smile was always huge.  
  
Hope's half asleep smile after she whispered I love you into Lizzie's skin, was hands down her favorite smile ever. With was unguarded and pure, a testament she felt completely safe laying in her arms. Lizzie would watch over her until she herself succumbed to her need for sleep, in awe that Hope chose her.  
  
• **Her thoughtfulness.**  
Hope had always proven to be the type of person that always thought about other's needs before her own. Lizzie wasn't new to it, but once she'd moved in together she realized she'd only experienced the tip of the iceberg.  
  
Hope had memorized her eating habits: she knew what helped when she was anxious, when she was on her period, what she craved when she was sad and what would serve as a good mood booster. She went out of her way to assemble every take out menu, highlighted every meal that she knew Lizzie would like, color coded and grouped by the occasions they would be most useful.  
  
Hope would browse Lizzie's wish lists frequently or make note of items and things Lizzie would show her in passing. After any particularly hard week, whether because of stress from classes or shitty therapy sessions and sometimes just because. No matter how much she insisted that Hope didn't have to, she would come home to a some random gift on her bed with one of those corny -see extremely cute- greeting cards.  
  
The gifts were great but the greeting cards made Lizzie happiest. Hope took the time to write in each and everyone, telling her somehow exactly what Lizzie needed to read everytime. She had a filing box dedicated to them and she probably would never get rid of them.  
  
Essentially Hope made Lizzie feel taken care of in a way she never felt before. Sure Josie had always taken care of her, but it came at the expense of herself everytime. Josie had taken the burden without being asked, and while Lizzie was grateful for her sister's efforts it still came from a place of obligation. Hope took care of her because she wanted to.  
  
It also wasn't a one sided affair that would inevitably lead to resentment. Mostly because Hope lets Lizzie take care of her in return. Which brought her to her next point.

  
• **Hope willingness to be vulnerable with her.**  
Hope had walls. That was an understatement, but Lizzie had yet to find the proper description to describe the protection had been built around her heart over the years. So walls would do until she found it.  
  
There was a time that Hope didn't trust her. She had every right not to. However, that period was long gone thankfully. It took time but Lizzie could still remember the first time Hope had broken down her walls completely with her.

* * *

_Lizzie had been working on an essay, when she heard insistent knocking on her bedroom door. She looked at the door confused wondering who would be here at this hour. Josie had left on a date with Penelope off campus an hour ago. _  
  
_ She got up, praying silently it wasn't M.G trying to ask her out for the third time this week. She liked his tenacity most of the time, but she was having a 'low' week and it was making it worse. _  
  
_ Pulling the door open, ready to scare whoever was otherside away, she was confronted with Hope. Hope seemed unlike herself from the first glance._  
  
_ "Uh is Josie here?" She asked. Her question coming out rushed and her voice sounding uneven as it shook lightly. _  
  
_ Lizzie took note of it and the fact that her eyes looked uncharacteristically glassy. Her hands were shaking, and her body seemed to radiate anxious energy. It worried her. She was used to seeing her calm and unfazed by just about anything. This was worrying. _  
  
_ "She's on a date with Penelope right now." Lizzie informed her. She watched as Hope's posture cave in slightly._  
  
_ "I'll just go then, sorry to bother you." Hope said dejectedly. She turned to leave, but something inside Lizzie screamed not to let her go. _  
  
_ "You're not a bother, you want to come in and wait I'm sure she'll be back soon." She wasn't tonight was the night and Lizzie didn't expect to see Josie back at all. Unless the sex was truly terrible. _  
  
_ She watched as Hope seemed unsure whether to take her up on the offer. _  
  
_ "C'mon I'll make you some hot chocolate while you wait, you look like you need it." And to not be alone, remained unsaid._  
  
_ "O-kay." _  
  
_ Hope awkwardly took a seat on the edge of Josie's bed. She looked like she wanted to jump out of her skin. Lizzie busied herself with making the hot chocolate, stealing glances at the shorter girl. Trying to figure out how to best help her. She was out of her depth and definitely not as helpful as Josie, the person Hope had chosen to weather whatever breakdown was imminent. _  
  
_ But she would have to do damn it. _  
  
_ "Soo..you want talk about it or continue to let your brain work you into a panic attack?" She asked bluntly. No point in trying to imitate Josie's caring nature. Her confrontational form of caring would have to do. _  
  
_ "What?..I'm fi-ne." Hope tried denying. But the way her voice rose and octave and cracked on the word fine. _  
  
_ "Right. Look Josie isn't going to be back anytime soon, if at all tonight. But you can stay and watch something mind numbing on Netflix or you can get whatever is choking you off your chest. Your choice really." Lizzie continued unfazed by her lie. For a moment she thought her nonchalant attitude would back fire as Hope stared at her blankly for a moment. _  
  
_ "Why?" She asked. Lizzie understood what she was questioning. _  
  
_ "I know we don't have the best track record, but I'd like to think we've become friends of sorts." And they did. With Josie and Penelope always disappearing in their own world at times. They had become closer. _  
  
_ "Friends?" Hope repeated unsurely. Like she was testing it out in her mouth for the first time._  
  
_ "I'd like to think so and this, being here for someone who clearly needs it is the point of friendship." At least that's the type of friendships Josie encouraged her to have. _  
  
_ "Ok." _  
  
_ "So do you want to talk about it or Netflix?" _  
  
_ "Can I talk about it? At least try to? Like I don't want to burden you with my issues, but I need to talk about it before it.." Hope trailed off at loss for words. _  
  
_ "Chokes you?" Lizzie supplied helpfully. "And it's really no burden at all Hope." _  
  
_ "Okay, I'm not sure where to start or how to." Lizzie wanted to wrap the shorter girl up in a hug and just let her cry. She seemed so fragile and out of place. _  
  
_ "Is it Landon? Or something about school?" Lizzie asked hoping to prompt Hope into talking. _  
  
_ "No things with Landon, have been going good. School too. Everything has been going so well. And that's the problem everything is going exactly how I want them to go." Hope ranted. Chest heaving after every sentence, like each one out was lessening the pressure on her chest._  
  
_ "I don't follow would that not be a good thing?" Everything going exactly like one wanted sounded like a dream to Lizzie. _  
  
_ "It is! Or was, I don't know." _  
  
_ "Hope what's wrong?" Lizzie asked seeking some clarification. Hope wasn't making any sense to her. _  
  
_ Hope finally made eye contact, tears streaming freely. Lizzie felt her heart break for her, she'd never seen her so lost, broken even. Throwing caution to the wind, Lizzie moved quickly. She had wrapped Hope up in a hug letting the girl cry into her chest, before she could overthink the decision. _  
  
_ She didn't shake off Lizzie's hug, she pushed herself closer towards the blonde to both their surprise. _  
_ Hope's body shook silently with unexpressed sobs. _  
  
_ "It's ok let it out. Let it all out. I'm here. It's ok." Lizzie attempted to soothe and encourage Hope to let go. _  
  
_ It was exactly what Hope needed to hear. She proceeded to break down into uncontrollable sobs. Lizzie held her through it, letting her do what she needed. _  
  
_ Lizzie lost track of how long it went on for. They had somehow ended up on Josie's bed, her on her back and Hope he on her and wrapped around Lizzie. The sobbing had quieted down, but Hope kept clutching onto her like a life line._  
  
_ "I'm sorry about your shirt." Hope finally speaking up, still sniffling. She looked at Lizzie with red rimmed, puffy eyes with an apologetic smile. Lizzie felt her heart swell at how cute the girl looked. _  
  
_ "It's ok it was Josie's anyways." She admitted, earning a watery laugh for her honesty. _  
  
_ "You feel up to talking about it?" Lizzie inquired after they settled into a comfortable yet heavy silence. _  
  
_ "Everything has been going well lately, I started to forget about them. I was trying to schedule a date with Landon and I almost scheduled it on my dad's birthday. I feel like such a terrible daughter and person. Who forgets their parents?" Hope explained, eyes welling up once more along with her voice cracking. She broke down once more into tears. _  
  
_ Lizzie finally understanding what it was all about, started thinking on the right thing to say. She stroked Hope's hair gently letting her cry. How much tears the girl was producing was astonishing, but Lizzie figured it was a long time of emotional repression getting released. _  
  
_ She waited for her to quiet down again. Once she did Lizzie decided to speak up. _  
  
_ "I'm not great at this, but I have a few things I feel are important for you to hear so I want you to listen." Lizzie spoke firmly, urging Hope to look up at her. Once she was sure she had all her attention she continued. _  
  
_ "Ok. Just because you're living your life doesn't make you a bad person or daughter. You can't spend your life trying to keep pace with ghosts, no matter how much they mean to you. Because you'll always be missing out on the here and now. It's ok to choose your own happiness. Life should be about more than just surviving." _  
  
_ "Did you just quote the 100 at me?" Hope interrupted. _  
  
_ "Yes but I wasn't done. You're not forgetting your parents for choosing to be present in the moment. You're not a bad daughter for healing from your grief. Not saying you'll ever truly stop grieving. But you're no longer using it as a crutch, to not actively live..? Anymore you know what I mean." Lizzie tried her best to convey a point that would make sense to Hope. _  
  
_ Hope was quiet as she took in Lizzie's words. She couldn't argue with her. Everything she said made sense. It didn't explain her guilt though. _  
  
_ " Why do I feel so guilty then?" _  
  
_ Lizzie took a deep breath thinking about what to answer. She shifted them slightly so she could lean against the headboard in a slightly seated position. Hope followed along her movements unconsciously, not moving completely upwards, but closer to Lizzie's chest while the rest of their body remained intertwined. _  
  
_ "Because this living in the moment thing is new to you. So you equate it as something bad for enjoying your life without them. Which it's not. Your parents loved you so much and would want you to live the life they would've happily offered you." _  
  
_ "You're right. It's just so hard, you know? I spent most of the last decade missing them at every turn.." _  
  
_ "But at least it felt like they were present all the time?" Lizzie finished her thought for her. _  
  
_ "Yes now it feels more hollow than before." Hope told her in a quiet voice._  
  
_ "I think you need to take time to balance what your life is going to be without grief getting in the way of everything. Maybe you should talk to a therapist about that because balance isn't my forte." Lizzie suggested not knowing what more to add to it. _  
  
_ "I thought we weren't allowed to make bipolar jokes?" _  
  
_ "I am, you aren't." _  
  
_ They both laughed at that. The emotional heaviness no longer weighing the air around them. Lizzie was surprised it wasn't replaced with awkwardness, but it felt comfortable; right. _  
  
_ "Thank you for this, Liz. I've never felt safe enough to ever break down like this but it felt good to finally cry." Hope whispered into the silence. _  
  
_ "You needed it. I'm glad you felt safe enough to do so. You need to drink water so you aren't dehydrated."_  
  
_ "In a bit." Hope agreed. She focused on the beating of Lizzie's heart. It soothed the remaining anxiety she still had left. _  
  
_ Josie came back the next morning to two untouched hot chocolates on their dresser and them cuddled in her bed dead to the world. She snapped a quick picture for proof and sent it to Penelope captioning it, "pretty sure you fucked me into the twilight zone"_.

* * *

It wasn't originally Hope's intention to come to Lizzie that time, but it was everytime after. Hope grew comfortable showing a part of herself she wouldn't with anyone else.  
  
She let Lizzie take care of her when needed. Yes, she was still extremely stubborn about it but Lizzie was always the person she turned to whether sad, hurt, sick or happy. It always warmed her heart to know that Hope felt safe and trusted her enough, to be that vulnerable.  
  
• **The plethora of pet names.**   
Hope called Lizzie everything but her name. Usually anyway. Whenever she managed to royally piss Hope off it was back to Lizzie or Elizabeth. Other than that it was definitely anything but her name.   
  
Much like smiles she had favorites. Like babe. Babe was used the most common pet name Hope used for her. She'd never heard Hope refer to anyone, not even Landon as such. But one afternoon during winter break senior year,while they were all hanging out.   
  
Lizzie was being a great hostess by setting up drinks for everyone and struggling slightly with the demand. So when Hope noticed she jumped at the chance to help. And that's when she said it for the first time.  
  
"Let me help you with that, babe." She never stopped since.   
  
M.G had brought it up once questioning why she only let Hope call her babe. She didn't have an answer then, but with retrospect comes understanding. Babe only sounded nice coming from Hope. It was as simple of that.  
  
Her favorite though was when Hope referred to her as 'my person'. Whether it was the use of the possessive adjective and it's implication that she was Hope's or everything that it represented. But whenever Hope said it she felt on top of the world. Just like she did the first time Hope used the term. Well after she explained the significance.

* * *

_They had spent the entire afternoon cuddled in bed. It had been pouring all day, so Hope suggested they watch Grey's Anatomy. They were about six episodes in when Hope turned to Lizzie with a smile. _  
  
_ "You're my person. The Christina Yang to my Meredith Grey." _  
  
_ "Of course I'd be the voice of reason for the privileged white girl with more parental issues than she knows what to do with. Who so happens to be dating the resident golden boy with curly hair and kind eyes, that is high key a pretentious holier than thou prick." Lizzie said dryly. _  
  
_ "The way your brain works fascinates me. The dots you connect is just wow." Hope said ignoring the dig at Landon. She'd long accepted that Lizzie would never like the boy, but comparing him to McDreamy had to be better than a jar of sentient mayonnaise. _  
  
_ "The McDreamy comparison wasn't a compliment." Lizzie made clear, like she could read Hope's mind. _  
  
_ "Would never think it was Yang." Hope said flatly rolling her eyes. _  
  
_ "I don't want to be Yang or for you to be Grey." Lizzie snapped. _  
  
_ "Wait I thought you loved them." _  
  
_ "Well Shonda runs every character into the ground. Meredith never understood the lesson about being the sun or got over her crippling parental issues and has been emotionally tortured - granted everyone on the show has been. And Yang was layered but no one really truly understood her at her core and it's sad." Lizzie ranted passionately. _  
  
_ "Ok but Meredith did, hence the whole they're eachother's persons." Hope argued. _  
  
_ "Because of availability. None of them had better__, a convenience friendship that blossomed into a weird codependency. And even after all that she still left and Meredith replaced her with Alex."_  
  
_ Lizzie explained. She moved out of Hope's embrace getting out of the bed. And going to the window watching the rain come down. Hope looked on confused, not understanding what had just happened or why Lizzie seemed so upset. _  
  
_ She repeated what Lizzie said. The words 'convenience friendship', 'weird codependency' and 'replaced' jumped out after she thought about it again. She was sure that's how Lizzie actually felt about the characters, but she wondered if her insecurities and fears were also intertwined in her rant. _  
  
_ "Liz, are you afraid that, that's what we are?" Hope asked softly. She slowly got out of bed and made her way to the blonde. _  
  
_ "No...maybe I don't know." Lizzie mumbled refusing to face Hope._  
  
_ "Why?" _  
  
_ "Because you're the fucking sun if you haven't noticed. We all are connected thru you and you're kind of the mold keeping us all together. It's our senior year, things are bound to change."_  
  
_ "And you think you'll be replaced because I'll move on?" Hope questioned moving to stand directly in front Lizzie. Who still refused to look at her, but gave an almost unnoticeable nod in the affirmative. _  
  
_ "Oh Liz, look at me." She urged the taller girl to meet her eyes, when she finally did she continued. "Using Grey and Yang to convey what I was trying to say was a bad comparison in hindsight. Because it doesn't adequately convey what I meant. And it's Shonda's fault for ruining everything good pure thing the characters were." Hope paused momentarily preparing to say what she truly felt. _  
  
_ "Referring to you as my person doesn't exactly sum up everything you mean to me, but it's closer than anything my limited vocabulary can currently come up with. You are more than a best friend, because you've seen my soul stripped bare more times than I can count and have never judged me or made me regret it. You make me feel more at ease than anyone else. There's so much else I'd love to say but I know you don't have the attention span for overly long speeches, but you're special to me on a tier of your own. So until I find the word to fully describe what you mean to me, you're my person." _  
  
_ Hope finished the closest thing to a declaration of love she's ever done, red to the tops of her ears. But her gaze unwavering, keeping eye contact thru everything, hoping Lizzie saw the sincerity there._  
  
_ "I guess you're my person too, because I feel the same." Lizzie mumbled, not really trusting her voice or herself in the moment. The love she felt then threatening to overwhelm her. _  
  
_ "I know." Hope said exactly what Lizzie needed to hear in the moment, because next she knew she was being crushed against Lizzie in a hug. _  
  
_ "One day I'll find the right word." _  
  
_ "Until then we're eachother's persons." It came out like a promise. One that they always kept_.  
  
Lizzie won't lie she did always feel superior in some way, because the exclusivity and meaning behind the pet names. She definitely smirked smugly at dollar tree McDreamy whenever Hope let the term of endearment slip into mixed company.   
  
• **The way Hope loved and made her feel loved**  
Lizzie had never known someone to love so intensely quite like Hope, besides Josie. Sometimes Lizzie questioned if they weren't the ones to actually share a womb. Nonetheless she admired the trait in both of them. Only difference being that when Hope showed the full scope of her love, Lizzie wanted to kiss her.   
  
The girl loved unconditionally and was loyal to a fault. Willing to do anything for those she loved.   
  
Through the years Lizzie had watched Hope spend many sleepless nights trying to nurse strays back to health. Drive for hours overnight to be there for her aunts when they needed her. Risk expulsions and disciplinary actions on multiple occasions to defend her friends. She'd seen her do so many acts of love and it never ceased to amaze her.   
  
She really loved how Hope made her feel loved. Never like a burden. Stood by thru her lows and some manic highs. Never treating her any different afterwards. Always reinforcing the idea that was always lovable. Making sure she never forgot she was more than her bipolar disorder.   
  
Being loved by Hope Mikaelson made Lizzie feel like all her pieces made up a cohesive picture. Like she was always seen for who she was. It made her feel unstoppable at times, but equally vulnerable and insecure. Because it was something she couldn't imagine her life without it, without Hope.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was by far the sappiest thing I've ever written (probably isn't). The chapter wasn't originally supposed to be like this but I think the idea was well executed. 
> 
> But I would love to read what you guys thought about this and all the things Lizzie loves about Hope.


	7. is this a love confession..?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mushy sappy things await

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long to literally update this. It's been sitting in the drafts for a bit now but it never felt right or the way I initially envisioned. It's not what I wanted either but it feels okay enough?

"This was such a stupid idea." Lizzie berated herself. 

She looked around the room she spent all day preparing, suddenly unsure about everything. She couldn't believe she let the dynamic duo of useless gays talk her into doing this in the first place. 

She was standing in the middle of the living room of Hope's childhood mansion that with the help of Keelin and Penelope she converted into the perfect place for a first date (Josie's words). And honestly the place looked beautiful, straight out of a moody fairy tale, she added the fairy tale to the already moody aesthetic. 

She filled the room with Hope's favorite flowers and some that carried deeper meaning, meanings and declarations she was unsure she could say out loud just yet. She also set up a picnic with their favorite wines and baked a spread of Hope's favorite desserts. She wanted to offer Hope, first class effort but the comfort of home. It was how Hope made her feel all the time and she wanted to recreate that feeling in return. 

According to everyone, she had nailed her vision perfectly. Though the longer she stood there, waiting for the shorter girl to arrive from the outing Freya took her on to keep her out of the mansion, the more she kept overthinking and the more her anxiety seemed to get the better of her. The amount of ways the night could go wrong was vast, the worse being not only would could she be rejected, but she could also ruin the most important friendship she has ever had. 

"I wouldn't survive this. God this was so stupid." Lizzie was starting to be overwhelmed by the potential of losing Hope. It was hitting her like a tidal wave, and she could feel an anxiety brewing inside her. 

"Lizzie? What are you doing here?" Hope questioned confusion coloring her voice. 

Lizzie whirled around to find Hope standing in he door way. Eyes fixed on her, staring in disbelief.

"Surprise?"

Lizzie smiled awkwardly. She felt blush rise in her cheeks. She was not prepared to be confronted by Hope so soon. Plus it was unclear on what Hope was thinking. Her eyes had yet to leave Lizzie, she had yet to take in anything else around her. 

"Extremely..I thought I would've found Landon standing here. What are you doing here?" With each word Hope's tone shifted from surprise to accusing with underlying anger rather quickly. 

Lizzie's awkward smile slowly fell as the more accusatory Hope's tone became. Her expression fell completely at the mention of Landon.

_Hope thought Landon would be there, Hope wanted Landon. Hope doesn't want me. _

Those thoughts played on a loop in Lizzie's mind. Crumbling every little confidence she built for herself. 

"You expected Landon?" she asked voice low, not trusting it not to crack if she spoke louder. 

"You haven't spoken to me in a month." Hope spat angrily. 

She hadn't. In Lizzie's defense she was going through a lot and Hope wasn't exactly trying to chat with her about the weather either. They were both avoiding each other. 

"You were avoiding me." Lizzie said lamely.

Hope had started staying out of their apartment for longer periods of time. Some nights not even returning home. She had stayed up on those nights switching from worrying if the brunette was safe, to being overcome with jealous about whoever Hope was spending the night with. To make matters worse the hobbit had started popping up again. Asking their friends about Hope and whether she was seeing anyone. Showing up at the apartment unannounced with the shittiest gifts in hand. Gifts Lizzie always threw in the garbage after shutting the door in his asinine face. (She did end up stress eating a box of chocolate one night, it was a shitty quality.) 

Hope did her best to not be around Lizzie and when she was Lizzie ran. Lizzie ran and hid from her. At first it was because of residual anger from their fight. Then it quickly turned into gay panic. Even after the break through with Penelope and Josie, Lizzie still found it hard to believe that she was in love with Hope. And the moments that she did accept that she was in fact in love with Hope, she was overcome with the fear of rejections and loss.

Sometimes extreme jealousy as well, she was sure she ended up on an FBI watch list because of her google search history. Googling: 'can vocal cords be sliced without it killing someone' is a definite red flag. But she was sure the person assigned to watch her would feel the same in regards to nasally.

This cycle went on for two weeks, better said Josie let her go on like that for two weeks. Josie had intervened and sat her down. There was more tears, but the conversation ended with Lizzie being at peace with the fact that she was in love with her best friend. 

Then for the week after that was Lizzie being unable to be around Hope, because simply put she felt like a horndog and Hope was just always so beautiful. It was hard to cope. It was like she was finally looking at Hope like she was always meant to. She couldn't form a coherent thought around her and was scared she would blurt out how utterly in love she was with her. she wanted to write poems, no Lizzie wanted to write anthologies about Hope's smiles. She wanted to confess everything, like how she wanted to know how Hope's lips felt, or the fact that she didn't have a decent nights sleep in weeks. All because Hope was haunting them, she was the star of every X-rated scenario her brain came up with. 

"You weren't exactly seeking me out either." Hope said flatly. 

"You're right." Lizzie uncharacteristically conceded. "Which is why I am here right now. I wanted- no, I want to rectify that. To fix us and apologize to you. But you're obviously not there yet. I'm sorry for springing this on you. I'll leave." 

Lizzie kept her eyes focused on the marbled tiles below her. She was trying to keep her tears at bay. And failing miserably. Her emotions were overwhelming and she just wanted to get away, before she embarrassed herself further. She started to turn away from Hope with the intention of packing away her stuff. 

Watching the blonde dejectedly turn away from her, Hope instinctively reached out to grab her wrist to stop her from leaving. She didn't want that. 

"What makes you think think that I don't want the same thing?" Hope questioned eyes searching Lizzie's for answers. 

"You expected to see Landon here not me. He's been around a lot lately and you obviously don't need me if he's back." Lizzie mumbled, her heart was racing with just the feel of Hope's fingers on her skin. It had been so long since feeling the shorter woman's warmth on her and she was closer to losing it than ever. What it was, wasn't exactly clear anymore either. She wanted to burst into tears, almost as much as she wanted to turn and crumble into Hope's arms. She wanted too much and Hope's proximity kept amplifying everything. Definitely something to talk about during therapy next week. 

"woah, slow it down. I expected Landon because the way my aunt's kept rambling about how I should be open to love again. And their insistent talk about not knowing where said love might come from. They also dropped me off here with winks and nudges routine. The only person that has shown that type of interest in me lately that they know is Landon. I came here prepared to turn him and his stupid guitar down but I found you here." Hope tried explaining. "I'm so happy to have you here instead because I've missed you and us so much."

"Their actions threw me off, but I guess they were just being overly mushy gays. Because it doesn't really make sense if they knew you'd be here...oh-_OH" _

Lizzie who had been slowly been soothed into a state of calm, was worked right back into an intense anxiety as she saw Hope beginning to connect the dots. Dots that really had no right in being connected this way. She had a speech, a very moving one at that. But the universe wasn't so kind, hope had come to her conclusions due to her half backed observations and the fact that her aunt's didn't understand the meaning of subtle. And all she was left with was Hope's face contorted in an bewildered expression. Most importantly..oh.

Honestly what the fuck did oh even mean? The finality of her tone when she realization finally fit for her, what did all mean and why did it sound like that? 

Hope who had finally taken her eyes off Lizzie and took in their surroundings in. She finally took into account the flowers that were around. Seeing an array of bouquets set up around what looked to be a romantic picnic and painting date. It looked right out of her secret Pinterest board titled perfect date ideas. And it was, perfect and even more so due to the woman standing across her. 

"Is this a-uh.." Hope trailed off, not sure if she could voice her desired answer if it were to be not true. 

" A love confession? Yes. And I completely understand that you don't feel that way about me. Like why would you? You deserve so much more than I can possibly be. Because you are the best person, besides Josie that I know. You are literally my own fucking sunflower, always brightening my day and clearing any toxicity from taking root in me. You are so caring and loyal to everyone that earns your love, sometimes even when they no longer deserve it. Your altruism while usually my biggest gripe, is the corner stone of your personality and honestly something I admire most about you. I just want to offer you the same thing you offer me and everyone else around you. I just want to love you and put you first. But not only won't you let me because you're stubborn, but also because you'll never see me that way and I have ruined our friendshi-"

"Liz...lizzie." Hope tried to interject once she got her bearings midway into Lizzie's rant. 

"Elizabeth!" 

"Oh my God. I'm sorry. Fuck this is not how I wanted this to go." Lizzie turned away from Hope, and covered her face with her hands. Just wanting to sink into the floor and disappear. 

"Liz please look at me." Hope pleaded moving closer to her. "Liz c'mon."

"If you're going to try and let me down easy, don't. I'll just go." Lizzie pleaded defeated. 

"What if...for once you let me finish." 

"What is there to finish Hope?" Lizzie questioned, turning to face the shorter brunette.

"This." Hope reached across and grabbed Lizzie pulling her down towards her. 

Lizzie pulled away in shock. 

"Did you just kiss me?" 

"I would like to continue. Unless?" Hope asked teasingly. 

Lizzie didn't waste her tine and connecting their lips again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully this came out right and gave some closure to this story.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think


End file.
